One time my parents accidentally left me at church…
Maybe because I was the forgettable middle child but more likely because I didn’t talk.
I was a dreamer in school. I still am today.
Now we’re called introvert-extroverts. We love people but we also want time to explore the amazing adventures we have in our heads.
It’s fun there.
Maybe this is you, too.
Here are some things that made talking for me way easier. It’s also a helluva lotta fun.
THE EASY
Say hi. A lot. I know…snooze. But it works.
I practiced saying hi with people that were forced to listen: Cashiers, waitstaff, retail people and pets. Good for me. Bad for them.
This kept me using my mouth and voice at the same time.
Talk shorter. Words used to pile up in my brain.
The next poor sucker to strike up a conversation with me was pummeled in an avalanche of words and disconnected topics.
Talking shorter means giving the listener time to respond.
Do interesting things. Be interesting by doing interesting things.
Us dreamers and intro/extroverts do lots of interesting things…in our heads.
Many times this leads us to believe we are interesting.
Then we get blind-sided by the dreaded, “So, what have you been up to lately?”
And it’s dreaded, not because it’s a bad question (I’ve learned to love it), but because we’re not doing anything interesting.
So get interesting. Enroll in that class, go on that vacation, knock out that bucket list item, do something…anything!
THE SLIGHTLY LESS EASY
Ask good questions. Like others have posted, people love to talk about themselves.
So let them.
Start with good questions that call out the obvious. The obvious would be a positive mention that includes them:
- Anything new: shoes, shirt, car, house, baby, pet, vacations…
- Accomplishments: school, work promotion, license, fitness, health…
- Environmental: location, people, weather… Be careful with this one. It’s easy to complain. Instead, make an unpleasant situation fun. “Dang, it’s banana’s in here. I found the last parking spot. We should have taken the helicopter.”
Tip: Save deep questions like, “If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be” for conversations that have matured that far.
Build up to that. Otherwise it will be forced and awkward.
Pay attention. When people talk, they are giving you TONS of great information about themselves.
Take this example: “We just moved from California to Texas. The drive was long and interesting. I’m excited but the kids will miss their friends. We’re excited about the new house though.”
Whoa…just look at all the golden conversation nuggets!
- “What was California like?”
- The drive was long and interesting? Tell me more!
- Kids? People love to talk about their kids! (Inside scoop: Nobody cares about your kids so change topics unless you want to torture people. It sucks because kids are more fun than adults…anyway…getting off topic.)
- New house? Where? New favorite restaurants around there? What’s there to do?
ProTip: This is the fun part. Use the popular “yes and” improv lesson.
Whatever topic someone is talking about, “yes-and” it. Agree and amplify the conversation.
It keeps the conversation moving forward in a fun way. It sounds like this:
Them: “It’s hot in here.”
You: “I know!” [that’s the “yes and”] I should wear less clothes.”
Them: “I bet that would make you a hit”
You: “Yeah, they’d probably throw my ass in jail.”
Them: “You’ve always wanted a family reunion.” blah blah blah.
Like with anything, you get good from doing.
This article is owned by:
Matt Bennett, Lifestyle Geek, Writer, Consultant & Entrepreneur
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