How should I talk to people when I have nothing to say ?

One time my parents accidentally left me at church…

Maybe because I was the forgettable middle child but more likely because I didn’t talk.

I was a dreamer in school. I still am today.

Now we’re called introvert-extroverts. We love people but we also want time to explore the amazing adventures we have in our heads.

It’s fun there.

Maybe this is you, too.

Here are some things that made talking for me way easier. It’s also a helluva lotta fun.

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THE EASY

Say hi. A lot. I know…snooze. But it works.

I practiced saying hi with people that were forced to listen: Cashiers, waitstaff, retail people and pets. Good for me. Bad for them.

This kept me using my mouth and voice at the same time.

Talk shorter. Words used to pile up in my brain.

The next poor sucker to strike up a conversation with me was pummeled in an avalanche of words and disconnected topics.

Talking shorter means giving the listener time to respond.

Do interesting things. Be interesting by doing interesting things.

Us dreamers and intro/extroverts do lots of interesting things…in our heads.

Many times this leads us to believe we are interesting.

Then we get blind-sided by the dreaded, “So, what have you been up to lately?”

And it’s dreaded, not because it’s a bad question (I’ve learned to love it), but because we’re not doing anything interesting.

So get interesting. Enroll in that class, go on that vacation, knock out that bucket list item, do something…anything!

---

THE SLIGHTLY LESS EASY

Ask good questions. Like others have posted, people love to talk about themselves.

So let them.

Start with good questions that call out the obvious. The obvious would be a positive mention that includes them:

• Anything new: shoes, shirt, car, house, baby, pet, vacations…
• Accomplishments: school, work promotion, license, fitness, health…
• Environmental: location, people, weather… Be careful with this one. It’s easy to complain. Instead, make an unpleasant situation fun. “Dang, it’s banana’s in here. I found the last parking spot. We should have taken the helicopter.”

Tip: Save deep questions like, “If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be” for conversations that have matured that far.

Build up to that. Otherwise it will be forced and awkward.

Pay attention. When people talk, they are giving you TONS of great information about themselves.

Take this example: “We just moved from California to Texas. The drive was long and interesting. I’m excited but the kids will miss their friends. We’re excited about the new house though.”

Whoa…just look at all the golden conversation nuggets!

• “What was California like?”
• The drive was long and interesting? Tell me more!
• Kids? People love to talk about their kids! (Inside scoop: Nobody cares about your kids so change topics unless you want to torture people. It sucks because kids are more fun than adults…anyway…getting off topic.)
• New house? Where? New favorite restaurants around there? What’s there to do?

---

ProTip: This is the fun part. Use the popular “yes and” improv lesson.

Whatever topic someone is talking about, “yes-and” it. Agree and amplify the conversation.

It keeps the conversation moving forward in a fun way. It sounds like this:

Them: “It’s hot in here.”

You: “I know!” [that’s the “yes and”] I should wear less clothes.”

Them: “I bet that would make you a hit”

You: “Yeah, they’d probably throw my ass in jail.”

Them: “You’ve always wanted a family reunion.” blah blah blah.

---

Like with anything, you get good from doing.

This article is owned by:

Matt Bennett, Lifestyle Geek, Writer, Consultant & Entrepreneur

Top 10 lessons people most often learn too late in life

Here are the top 10 lessons people most often learn too late in life:

1. Hustle is the antidote to fear -
1. When I was in high school, I wanted to ask out a girl to prom but was afraid of being rejected. So I bought a guitar, learned how to play "I Want to Grow Old With You" (Thanks Adam Sandler) and serenaded her in class. I changed the lyrics to "I want to go to prom with you." Guess what? She said yes.
2. When I wanted to start my motivational blog CEO Lifestyle, I had no idea how to build a nice website or how to build a community following. I was also pretty scared of failing again. What if I wrote for years and no one ended up going to my website? What if no one really cared about motivation? And then I realized, even if only 10 people signed up, I would still feel awesome about making a difference in 10 people's lives. And that was enough to get me started. Ever since then, I've been hustling non stop. I've now written 109 Quora posts and have over 4.8 million views. Oh, and that blog?  It has over 6,500 subscribers in just 7 months. #Hustle
3. Still need more encouragement to go out there and make it happen? Take note from this quote from Richard Branson - “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!”
4. Stop fearing. Start doing.
2. Simple is good -
1. Life has so much clarity when you keep things simple.  For example:
1. Want to better understand? Listen.
2. Miss a loved one? Call. (Or text, Facebook message, Snapchat)
3. Want to achieve? Hustle.
4. Want to laugh? Watch Youtube videos.
5. Love someone? Say it.
3. You can go fast alone, but you go further together - When you work alone, you can move really fast. There's no red tape. There's no management that you have to check in with. There's no team you have to collaborate with. So what does that mean? You can create and test with an incredible amount of speed. However, it's really hard to go far alone. For example, I love writing for my motivational blog. However, I can only write so much material every week (it's pretty intensive in terms of time invested).  So I can continue doing this writing all by myself to build an audience or I could work smarter by working with others. For example, I've started working with a famous writer by being on his podcast. He has over 10,000 followers that he'll probably be sending that podcast to. I'm guessing almost all of those don't subscribe to my blog and this will expand my audience. Pretty safe to say that's a good idea. Just a hunch. #FurtherTogether
4. Sacrificing your health to pursue wealth isn't worth it - One of my best friends had cancer. Do you know how many times I heard him say, "Gosh, I really wish I made more money or worked more hours?" Not once. Take care of your body. Fruits and vegetables are your best friend. Work out regularly. Cardio, lifting weights or workout classes should be a big part of your life. Invest in your body today so that you'll have a brighter future tomorrow.
5. Worrying is not a good use of energy - I built a dating app once. I was worried our competitors would copy us and we would lose over the long term because we didn't have the marketing budget that they had. Guess what? It didn't matter. We got 13,000+ downloads but couldn't get our users to come back frequently enough to the app to make it an engaging experience. So I spent all that energy and time worrying over...nothing. Worrying is one of the biggest wastes of energy. Stop worrying. Start hustling. Noticing a recurring theme?
6. Work can be fun - You know that feeling you get when your alarm rings at 7 AM in the morning?  That feeling of dread?  Guess what? It doesn't have to be that way for the next 50 years of your life. Find work that you're passionate about. Find a mission that you want to get behind 100%. Find your calling. Do that and you will wake up with a renewed sense of energy.
7. Happiness is a state of mind, not a destination - Looking back on my life, the most unhappiest moments of my life occurred when I always thought I had to achieve a certain goal to be happy. That's not the way happiness works. You can be happy right now. Be happy that you're alive. You're breathing. You're here in this incredible moment that we call life. That gives you all the reasons you need to be happy.
8. Things that are worthwhile often take time - It feels like I see a new success story every week. "New technology startup raises $100M at a $1B valuation!" People see the overnight success. What they don't often see are the late nights at the office until 2 AM. Whether it's love, work or friendship, everything worthwhile takes time. So learn to be patient. And invest your time wisely.
9. Awesomeness is contagious - I try to surround myself with positive, upbeat people that want to make a difference in the world. Every time I do that, I walk away feeling energized and passionate about life. Find 3 people that you deeply admire and spend time with them. Seriously, ask them to coffee, lunch or yogurt. (I'm a fan of Yogurtland personally, and no, they did not pay me to write that.) Notice how you feel after you meet with them? You should be saying "I feel awesome." Combine that awesome feeling with a dose of yogurt - that's borderline life changing. If you're lactose intolerant, I'm sorry. #GetInspired
10. You are the CEO of your life - You're responsible for your own life. Simple as that. Now go out there and build the life you've always dreamed of.

All this amazing article is owned by:

Nelson Wang  -   Entreprenuer, Writer, 10 years in Technology, Founder of www.ceolifestyle.io

Mind-Blowing facts about social psychology

Ordinary people like you and me can turn evil in the right circumstances. Deindividuation is a theory to explain the tendency of violence to emerge in large crowds of people (see also: vigilante justice). It refers the process of losing hold of our own identity, which can occur with the anonymity and diffusion of responsibility offered to us when in large groups.

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Do you know why firefighters, when responding to the possibility of an active suicide jumper, push onlookers away from the scene? It is because people will gather and taunt the suicide jumper. Take the 2008 suicide of teenager Shaun Dykes, who jumped to his death after 3 hours of failed police negotiations when bored onlookers began to shout for him to jump. Does this shock you? This sort of behavior is actually common enough that it has its own term "Suicide-Baiting."

Or how about the rioting and looting that takes place after a tragedy such as Hurricane Katrina? You may suspect that only hardened criminals are doing the looting, but that would be wrong!  In fact, you or I might do the same if placed in a similar situation.

So what's happening here? How can ordinary people behave in such an atrocious manner? Deindividuation is affected by 3 factors:

1. Anonymity (such as when browsing the internet, or hidden in group)
2. Diffusion of Responsibility (the feeling that responsibility for what occurs is spread out among your group, and thus you are absolved)
3. Group Size (a very large group contributes both to anonymity and diffusion, and you effectively vanish as an individual)

Take this classic study on the night of Halloween in 1976. Researchers Ed Diener and colleagues set out a large bowl of candy for trick-or-treaters, and controlled the independent variables of anonymity (some kids were asked their names), group size (recorded whether kids were alone or in group), and responsibility (some children were "placed in charge" or the group and told they would individually be held responsible if group took extra candy). Finally, all groups were instructed to take only 1 piece of candy- the researcher then closed the door so that the kids were alone.

Image

What the study found was that alone and identified children stole candy only 8% of the time, whereas anonymous children in a group stole candy nearly 60% of the time. Furthermore, when the anonymous group had been left in the symbolic hands of one child (not shown on graph) the group stole candy 80% of the time! This because the group felt less responsible for their actions when they knew there was a "leader" who would take the blame for them.

It is wise to keep this in mind the next time you see a large group behaving terribly. Whether they are children stealing candy, teenagers vandalizing property, or adults engaging in vigilante justice- breaking up the group and calling out individuals is paramount to stopping the influence of Deindividuation.

To Kill a Mockingbird

One of the best examples of this is in the film To Kill a Mockingbird, when a large mob gathers to lynch the innocent black character Tom Robinson. The mob is threatening Atticus Finch, who refuses to stand aside- when suddenly his little daughter Scout Finch steps up and confronts the mob. She gets nowhere talking to the crowd, but is successful when she singles out the familiar Walter Cunningham, telling him that she goes to school with his son. Suddenly his features contort, he transforms into an individual again, and tells the crowd to leave. What a powerful idea.

This article is owned by:

Dylan James

As a professor how do you recognize that one student is smarter than others?

I'm not usually comparing one student against another in this way, but across all my university classes, over 32 years of teaching, I can think of a dozen students who really, really stood out as unusually talented or bright. How could I tell? 

First I'll tell you what they're not. 

They're usually not the Honors student, who writes facile prose without a single sentence-level error, but rarely digs deeper than the typical structures or grids of analysis and essays. They were the first to master the five-paragraph theme; they are the last to master the mistakes and uncertainties of creative thinking. Humanities professors tired of grading papers riddled with grammar errors or punctuation mistakes give them "A" after "A" for glib, flawless writing that doesn't say anything original.

Then there are the students who read everything, absorbe everything, and also get an "A" on almost every essay. They stick close to the text in discussion, and if you ever have a question of identification or description, they will know the answer. If you challenge them to analyze a text and to think of it in terms of contexts -- the economic or political challenges of Sheffield, England, in the nineteenth century, to pick a random example -- with a bit of practice this student can do this well. But synthesis and figuring out how this particular way of thinking about the world (one presented by the author or his characters) might be relevant to life today, are usually beyond this student.

Both these groups will probably do just fine in life, by the way. The well-read and diligent will often enjoy more success than those who scale the heights with greater confidence. (I'm thinking of success here as being a content human being in a secure job with friends and family to love and be loved by who thinks about life's meaning and purpose.) The Honors student might be slightly more at risk because he or she hasn't really stumbled yet. They're used to being right;  and when they make their inevitable mistakes, they see them as death and shame -- rather than opportunity. I'm being a little reductive here. 

However, the truly bright student that catches my eye usually catches my ear first. By that I mean if I hear a student in class make three or four comments that demonstrate real familiarity and comfort with the ideas and points of view of  an author but go much farther, I start to listen. The good and talented student will connect the day's material with what she's learning in other classes, or what he's studying on his own; the extremely bright student can easily do that, too, but is pushing himself to the edges of his thinking so he can go beyond. The extremely bright student is the one who is confident but not overly confident, knows and understands the material under consideration very well, but also lets curiosity lead her. She has new ways of looking at old problems and can knit together any number of classes and readings into syntheses of new questions, new possibilities, new ways of acting in the world. You might call these students the entrepreneurs, but to think of them as only that is to diminish them. These are the students who not only get a job at Google but also play in a klezmer band and volunteer at the local bicycle library. On Saturdays they take a screen-free day and go for a bike ride so they can lie under a tree and day dream. They're quirky, they're thoughtful, they're not always the straight A student (but often are), but they are ones who think in new ways about the world. They're more likely to travel (most likely with a rucksack and staying in youth hostels or their own tent), they have skills like juggling and magic card tricks or making children laugh. They don't show off. They listen at least as much as they talk. They're comfortable with who they are. They're not in it to make a ton of money -- they're trying to make their lives interesting and rich and to learn as much as they can every day. At their core is curiosity as much as talent. 

Students I am most interested in as the brightest and most talented can come from any background; they need not be perfect writers yet (although they care about writing and continuously improve); and they might be studying in any field at all. But these are the handful of students who are curious, creative, and thorough in equal parts. Their curiosity drives them to learn whatever is under study and more; their creativity allows them to try on new ways of looking at any problem under discussion; and their thoroughness is a combination of the Honors student's facile understandings and the earnest student's dogged learning of the particular text and ideas.

More than anything, though? Do you want to know how I know who my smartest students are? They are the ones who can frame a good question. They are the ones who can define an area, or even better a way into an area, where their focused questions will sharpen understanding and maybe even light a new path through the darkness. (In the meantime, some of the students who have been told their whole lives that they're so bright, may well be the ones who look for the darkness with a flashlight. They're so bright that they can't see a thing.)

All this article is owned by:

Sarah Sloane - Professor of English, Rhetoric, Nonfiction writing for 32+ years. Travel writer.

Best tricks to keep yourself motivated

In 2009, Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson made a surprising discovery in the science of motivation. She conducted a series of studies where she asked participants to solve a set of puzzles and problems. In one group — the “be-good” group — participants were told that their score reflected their “conceptual and analytical abilities.” They should try to solve as many problems as possible and aim for a high score to demonstrate how good they were. In another group — the “get-better” group — participants were told that each problem was a “training tool” and that they ought to “take advantage of this valuable learning opportunity” to improve their problem-solving skills. [1]

For some participants in each group, Halvorson also increased the difficulty level by introducing a few challenges. She interrupted participants to use up some of their allotted time. She threw in extra, unsolvable problems to frustrate them, without telling participants that the problems were unsolvable.

What surprised Halvorson was how the two groups dealt with the challenges. The ones in the “get-better” group remained unfazed and solved as many as problems in the challenging conditions as the easy ones. They stayed motivated and kept trying to learn. The ones in the “be-good” group, however, were so demoralized when they faced the challenges and obstacles that they solved substantially fewer problems than those who didn’t have to face them.

And those differences happened just because of how the initial goal was framed.

Define Mastery Goals, Not Performance Ones, For Difficult Problems

Halvorson’s experiments illustrate the difference between a mastery goal, where you aim to learn and get better at some skill, and a performance goal, where you aim to be good, either to demonstrate you’re talented or to outperform other people.

Your objective for a given problem can often be framed in either way:

• Are you studying for tests to learn and to grow or to demonstrate your intelligence?
• Are you spending years on a PhD to innovate in your research area or because you think it’ll be a good stepping stone for your career?
• Are you training for a 10K race to improve your own time or to beat the competition?
• Are you working on side projects and brushing up your coding skills to become a better software engineer or to simply get a better-paying job?

The actions you perform to accomplish a mastery goal or a performance goal might be the same, but your motivation and your mindset will be quite different. When you’re focused on improving your own skills, rather than on demonstrating them, you’re less likely to get discouraged by obstacles, time pressure, or other unexpected challenges. You’ll believe that you can still improve and do better next time. You’ll have a growth mindset.

That’s not to say performance goals don’t have their place. Professor Dan Ariely conducted a series of experiments at MIT, the University of Chicago, and in rural Madurai, India. Subjects were asked to participate in a number of games and offered either a small, moderate, or large financial incentive for performing well on each particular game — a clear example of performance goals in action. For memory games, creativity games, or motor skill games, those offered a large financial incentive actually performed worse than those offered smaller ones. The only task where participants actually performed better when offered a large financial incentive was when they were performing the mechanical task of alternating keypresses on a keyboard as quickly as possible. [2]

Daniel Pink reinforces this idea in his book Drive, explaining that when there is a clear goal and when the problem can be solved by brute force, performance-based goals — especially those incentivized by a reward — work extremely well. It’s when the problems require some ingenuity or some mental effort, that performance-based goals and rewards start to backfire and reduce performance. [3]

Making This Research Useful

Set the right type of goal for the task at hand to get better results.

You’re better off setting a performance goal when you can brute force through the problem, particularly if there’s a reward at stake. For example, performance goals work well if you’re:

• Triaging through a long bug or feature list.
• Responding to a long backlog of personal emails or customer support emails.
• Finishing a laundry list of chores around the apartment.
• Mechanically grinding through any number of mindless tasks.

It can be helpful for each of these short-term tasks, where there isn’t much opportunity to master a new skill, to instead tie a reward to the completion of the task. Make an if-then rule: If you get everything done, then you’ll treat yourself (or your team) to something nice. The performance incentive can help you get things done faster.

But for our long-term goals, we’ll stay much more motivated in the long run if we adopt a mindset where we’re aiming to master our skills rather than to hit a performance goal. For example,

• Rather than focusing on getting promoted to a staff engineering position at your company, focus on improving your engineering skills and your ability to create meaningful impact.
• Rather than training to win at some sport — whether it’s running, a tennis match, ultimate frisbee, etc. — train to become a better player or athlete.
• Rather than joining at a startup to get rich, join because you're passionate about the problem space and excited to learn from the journey.

You’ll notice that long-term goals framed in terms of performance tend to rely on external factors outside of your control (whether your manager promotes you, whether you’re better than your opponent, or whether your startup succeeds). When you let environmental circumstances play such a large role in your success, it’s much harder to stay motivated when you encounter obstacles, just like the puzzle-solving participants in Halvorson’s experiments. If you instead focus on your own learning and on getting better, you’re much more likely to overcome pain points and actually succeed.

All the rights to this amazing article belongs to:

Edmond Lau, Author of The Effective Engineer

What is the most extreme example of human willpower and discipline ?

One Name: Marshal of the Soviet Union, K.K. Rokossovsky.

Konstantin Konstantinovich Rokossovsky was a highly decorated hero of World War I and the Russian civil war. In 1937, he commanded the 7th Cavalry Division, his career was on the rise but then came Stalin’s Great Purge. Like so many other Soviet commanders at the time, Rokossovsky was arrested and accused of treason by the NKVD secret police.

One thing you need to know about the NKVD is that they did not fuck around. They were well-trained professionals in interrogating and torturing techniques.

In NKVD prisons, Rokossovsky was brutally tortured. For three years. They beat him up, broke his ribs, pulled off his finger nails, … the whole nine yards.

Then they offered him an easy way out: If he could just sign a (false) confession statement, they’d have him executed immediately, put him out of his misery real quick. After weeks and months of unbearable sufferings, plenty of prisoners took this deal. But not Rokossovsky, he did not sign shit. They locked him up and tortured him again. And again. And again.

Then they offered him another deal: If he would just inform on his colleagues, give them some names of the “traitors” in his unit, they’d release him. Rokossovsky still did not tell them shit.

He also had to endure 2 mock executions where he was taken out at night to the shooting grounds. But even when facing the firing squad, he still refused to sign the false confession or inform on his colleagues.

After nearly 3 years in prison, Rokossovsky was released in March 1940. The Red Army at the time was going through a period of rapid expansion but lacked competent commanders to fill its command posts (most of the best and brightest had been executed in Stalin’s Purge). Being a talented and experienced surviving commander, Rokossovsky was returned to the command of the 5th Cavalry Corps at the rank of Colonel.

He then quickly rose to more senior command. In 1941, he was put in charge of the 16th Army which played a crucial role in defending Moscow against the powerful German offensive code-named Operation Typhoon. The following year, Rokossovsky commanded the Don Front at the battle of Stalingrad and was solely responsible for crushing the encircled Paulus’s 6th Army. In July 1943, he commanded the Central Front and defeated Walter Model’s armoured assault at the northern sector of the Kursk Salient. In June 1944, he orchestrated Operation Bagration - also known as D-Day in the East, which resulted in the total annihilation of German Army Group Centre. For this brilliant victory, he gained the rank of Marshal of the Soviet Union.

Marshal Rokossovsky on a brown horse, commanding the Victory Parade in Moscow, 24th June 1945.

From a disgraced officer arrested for treason and cruelly tortured, to the highest ranking commander of the Red Army, Rokossovsky’s entire life is an illustration of sheer willpower and discipline.

Addendum:

Why did Rokossovsky continue to serve in the Red Army even after he had been imprisoned and tortured? Why didn’t he run away? Or even better: Why didn’t he take revenge on Stalin and the NKVD? Since so many have asked in the comment, I’ll try to answer it here:

Rokossovsky had millions of troops, thousands of tanks and guns at his disposal. He was a Front Commander, a Marshal of the Red Army. But the NKVD was NOT part of the Red Army. Even a Marshal could not touch the NKVD. In the Caucasus, Lavrenty Beria - the feared NKVD Chief, had threatened to 'break the back' of a commander for even suggesting that NKVD troops should go under army command.

Each Soviet Front and Army had an NKVD detachment which controlled all the communication and closely monitored all movements of the Front/Army commanders. This NKVD detachment only answered to Beria, and Beria only answered to Stalin. This Beria-Stalin gang was not to be trifled with, they had arrested and executed 3 out of 5 Soviet Marshals during the Purge. Stalin had even made it clear to Rokossovsky that the 1937 accusations still hung over him. Beria, in particular, didn’t like the fact that he got out of his prison alive.

So, if Rokossovsky even so much as thought about running away or seeking revenge, Stalin and Beria would know and stop him before he could move an inch. In short, Rokossovsky had 2 options:

1. Pretend the 3 years in prison was just a bad dream, put it behind and move on, do a good job as a commander, serve his country, climb up the military ladder and stay alive. He may even be remembered as one of the greatest generals of World War 2.

Or

2. Run away from … or worse … TRY to take revenge on Stalin and the NKVD, fail for sure, branded as traitor, get himself and his family killed, and all his sufferings in prison would have been in vain. He could have just sign the false confession and saved himself a lot of sufferings.

Surprisingly, Rokossovsky actually knew better than a few armchair generals and made the wise choice.

Not taking rash actions and staying alive takes more willpower and larger balls than doing stupid shit and getting oneself killed.

All rights to this article goes to:

Duc Quyen,   thank you very much :D

What is the most disturbing irony in Game of Thrones ?

Jaime is horribly punished for all of his good deeds.

• Saves a city full of innocent people? His reputation is destroyed forever.
• Brienne is about to be raped. For once he acts chivalrously and lies to save her. What happens? He loses his hand for speaking up.
• He helps free Tyrion and tells him the truth about his wife. Tyrion escapes and immediately murders his father.
• And on the show, he tries to be a father. By trying to protect Myrcella, he ensures her death. This is right after he talks about dying in the arms of the woman he loves - instead, the daughter who has just acknowledged him dies in his arms.
• He can't even congratulate Robb on his wedding without it coming back to bite him. I mean, there is actually a zombie after his head. Because he sent Robb “his regards” those are among the last words Catelyn hears.
• And to add to Sven Skoog’s answer - if Jaime inadvertently killed his real father, he would have cleared the way for a new mad Targaryen king - his own son. That’s irony.

At one point he is the most skilled knight in Westeros. He is the heir of the richest family and son of the most powerful man in the kingdom.

If Jaime can’t be a good person, who can?

Edit: A lot of comments point out the terrible things that Jaime did. Attempted child-murder, regular murder, incest - he's got a pretty impressive list of Things Nice People Don't Do. I guess I should have made clear that Jaime also escapes punishment for all of these actions. That's where the irony comes in.

Some people have also said that pushing Bran set off this whole chain of events, and he wouldn't be working to redeem himself otherwise. I don't think that's true. His first redemptive act took place years before, when he killed the Mad King.

All rights to this article goes to:

Audrey Ackerman, book reader/nerd

What small thing can tell you a lot about a person ?

I guess we all have our own heuristics for judging someone else’s personality/character. What I use as a shortcut works for me probably because I have a specific set of values I’m looking for.I’ll admit some responses are a little cheekier than others. But I think they all have value. I had a couple of people ask for clarification in the comments. So this is an edited reply.

Do let me know if I can expand on any more?

How frequently do they rearrange their bedroom?

• This is one of my favorites. And if I could do back in time, this is something I would have figured out before I married my wife. Because she doesn’t know how seriously I want to rearrange our bedroom right now; but she is NOT the person who does that often (if ever within the same room).
• She’s gonna come back one day and the whole bedroom is gonna be rearranged and there will likely be a fight.
• I don’t know, call it Adult ADHD; call it a never ending struggle to find the right fit; call it the difference between a free spirit and a fastidious control-freak.
• But there is something there.

What are they willing to suffer for?

How do they drive? (Do they merge late, trying to cut a bunch of people off?)

What kind of greeting cards do they pick? And how do they pick them?

• Here’s the thing about greeting cards. If everyone picks the one they think the recipient will like, then there will be a bunch of really boring and similar cards. So, I think everyone should pick a card that reflects the giver, not the receiver.
• And greeting cards are a nice mirror, because they only reflect positivity. (I’m yet to see a Hallmark with a “Fuck Off” section do very well.
• Humorous vs. Sentimental.
• Verbose vs. Pithy.
• Picture vs. No Picture.
• Song vs. No Song.
• There’s a bonus here that can help you figure out what someone thinks of you, just ask them, “hey, can you pick up a card for my friend’s baby shower?”B (Little do they know, you want a funny card…)

How they treat waitstaff.

• I think many of the other answers address this one.

How they interact with their siblings.

• This is my anti- “How do they treat waitstaff.”
• If you want to find out how someone will treat you after years of living together and interacting together, seeing how they treat their siblings is a better indication than how they treated others over whom they have some authority.
• Do you think the brother who is so insecure he abused his sister is the same guy who would risk confrontation in a public diner? I bet he is timid in with people he doesn’t know well, but potentially abusive with people he knows well.

Their propensity of interrupt others.

Their propensity to complain.

How frequently they get haircuts.

• For me - I just kind of get a haircut when I feel like it. When it gets too long, it takes a little more time/product to do/wash my hair.
• But everyone’s threshold is a little different.
• If you get your haircut more frequently than I do then it either means (1) you are more likely than I am to prioritize looks or (2) you have a lower threshold of discomfort caused by hair that is too long.

Do they wash the bottom of their feet in the shower?

• Umm… jeez. I hadn’t really thought about it up until now; but it is something I periodically ask people because … well, I may very well be insane.
• Or… it’s just kind of a fun conversation to have. Like, the person who does NOT wash the bottom of their feet in the shower usually says, “well, the water and soap are trickling down…” or “the bottom of the bath has water and soap, so stepping in it is basically the same thing…”
• What I find fascinating is the incredible competition of emotions that arise from the foot-bottom-washers — usually utter disgust — versus the non-washers — either confusion or defensiveness.
• Me? Whether or not I wash the bottom of my feet totally depends on my mood. But I’d say I DO NOT about 75% of the time. Maybe my feet were particularly dirty that day … like I was wearing sandals. But most of the time I just don’t feel like it.

How readily do they medicate?

• Meaning how quickly do they reach for Ibuprofen when they have a headache? How many days of a cold do you wait before doing to the doctor?
• To be honest, I don’t really notice when pain relievers “kick in.” So I think most people (including myself) who take it as sort of “placebo effect seekers.” But sometimes my pain is bad enough, that, “what the hell? Even if it’s a placebo, perception is everything…”
• In general, I think it’s wise to primarily rely on your body, then seek intervention only when you don’t expect your body can handle something alone or if you need to suppress the symptoms.
• Other people have different thresholds of what they are willing to endure before seeking outside help.

Do they collect anything? What?

Do they look at a menu before ordering at a diner?

• Classic one here. I think it also applies to Chinese takeout. (Or anywhere you know what the menu will be ahead of time.)
• Why look at the menu when you have all the information?
• Personally, I get a burger probably 25% of the time. Medium heat, Lettuce, Tomato, Raw Onion, No Cheese, and Ketchup on the Side. Occasionally I’ll say “No Pickle” because, while I like the taste of a pickle and don’t mind if some of the juice seeps every to slightly onto the edge of my bun, I rarely eat the pickle, and I don’t want to waste the food. (I will ask if anyone else would like the pickle though, and I will get it if someone else plans to eat it.)
• The other 75% of the time might I’ll look at the menu. For example, “Lemme just make sure they have Tuna Salad. Not every place does; and I don’t want to seem like the guy who wants to order off the menu.”
• But sometimes I’m ok with being seen at the guy who just knows himself well enough to order without any aid. So I decide I’m not going to bother looking at the menu and just ask the waitress. (Besides, the interaction with the waitress suddenly feels a little more personal in a, “hey, I’m a diner person too, by the way” (whatever that means.)
• Bonus: Do they have regular cycles for their food. (Eggs every day? PIzza once a week? Chicken salad every Tuesday and Thursday for lunch?).

How frequently do they change their profile picture?

Birth order.

Do they snooze? How many times?

All rights to this article goes to:

Adam Gross, Market Research